My cousin's funeral hit me harder than I thought it would. As adults we weren't really that close, but as kids I have to say she was one of my favorite cousins. I think a lot of it has been that can of emotional worms once again opening those feelings of when my brother took his own life.
Single Son canceled his trip to Texas and the commissioning of a new "ship" (chapter) in StarFleet to attend DMcB's funeral. I'm glad he was there, as I really needed the emotional support. My folks - as well as most of my relatives were there, but they were at the opposite side of the church - we got there literally five minutes before the service, there was no room left for us anywhere near my folks.
The funeral was interesting to say the least. There wasn't a dry eye in the church when her daughter, TMac, spoke a very touching tribute to her mother. However, we all could have done without the Preacher trying to save the souls of everyone there (half hour lecture about his church being the only right path, and the benefits of joining HIS church, too). Then again, we should have expected it, he'd done the same thing when DMcB's father died. He could have done without the references that suicides don't go to heaven, too. NOT the place to preach that, even if it IS his personal beliefs ... with such a diverse collection of religions (and non-believers) in attendance. Actually, he never said "suicide" ... he kept saying "under the circumstances" or "the situation".
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In other news ...
I finally got the check for babysitting JJ from back in June. Yes ... four months for the check to come. And the last month was spend calling the financial department at least every week to tell them the check had not yet arrived. Granted, it's only for $120, but when you're not working, that's a hell of a lot of money. LOL.
I'll spend the first fifty getting my chauffeurs license. That's the first step I need to getting a job doing local deliveries for Married Son. And worse comes to worse, it's another asset to add to my resume for a different job.
Other than lunch with my college buds, I'm not sure what the rest of the money will go to. I was thinking my prescriptions and some food, LOL, but when Mom asked what I'd spend it on, she thought other than lunch, I should spend it on frivolous stuff.
Wait!! It's been so long since I've had money to just spend, I don't think I can!! I can't even think of anything I want bad enough to squander the money on. Isn't that pathetic? Or is it? LOL ... I can't decide. Besides, the few things I do want are on my "wish list" for Christmas, that if I were to buy them what would my family give me as gifts?
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I've also been spending some of my time doing a lot of research on homes. I'm pretty sure when I move from this place within the next few years, I'm downsizing. Ya, part of it will be to remove that possibility of any of my off-spring residing with me (yes, even Single Son! I know, call CNN, right??). It'll probably be in a small apartment for the time being, but my ultimate dream has now become to build a small place for myself on a small lot somewhere fairly rural.
Small homes. Tiny homes to be exact. I'm loving these floor plans that I'm finding online, between 100 and 300 square feet. Yes, tiny!! But I'm at that point in life that I'm finding the majority of my possessions are overwhelming, just too much crap. No, I'm not going minimalist, not exactly. I just need to weed out a good percentage of my crap. And what better way to force yourself to get rid of it than by living in a tiny home?
Oh yeah, the model I'm looking at is built on a trailer, so it's fully mobile. Of course, I've copied the original blueprints into my architecture program and have made some modifications to best suit my needs. You'll see in the following pictures that the mattress is in a sleeping loft. Personally, I can't see myself climbing a ladder every night to go to bed, so I've redesigned the kitchen to allow for a door at the rear to a "first floor" tiny bedroom, big enough for a queen mattress on a platform (hydraulic lifts to allow access to under bed storage). However, it adds six feet to the overall length of the tiny home, making it a little more difficult should I ever wish to move it. ::sigh::
I also like the idea of 1) being able to tow your house anywhere you want (allowing for a change of scenery if you need it) and 2) with some preparation and forethought you can live totally off-grid (self sustaining, meaning NO utility bills!)
I'm finding there's a whole "underground" movement of tiny house enthusiasts here in Michigan alone.
So ... that's what's up with me. What's up with you??
I am so sorry. Good hearing from you. You are strong. I can't believe that a preacher would stand up in the pulpit and preach that suicides go to Hell. He'd best be careful for there may be a special place there set aside for him to roast his goose as well. ;^D I don't believe that. The Jews who have known and loved our God from back in the times of Abram.... and before... will commit suicide rather than be taken by invading forces. I care about you and I am glad you are my friend. Hugs from Dana Bee
ReplyDeleteThose sorts of funerals are the worst......I had a neighbors son who basically drank himself to death.. The family wasn't regular churchgoers so I guess the funeral home found them a preacher and the guy did something similar - turned it into a recruitment session for being saved. It's natural that being around a similar situation can bring back a lot of emotions even many, many years later........but even so, it still surprises me when it bubbles up like that so I understand completely.
ReplyDeleteAs for the little house thing - I just couldn't do it. Ikea is big on showing how we can all live in much smaller spaces - but I feel claustrophobic when things are too close.....but more power to you if you can pull it off.
How exactly do you have flush toilets off the grid?
What's really off about the whole preacher thing, he had known DMcB all her life. She, as well as her mother and siblings, were very active in his church until the day she died!! How sad that he's so closed minded to think that his is the only way ... that his beliefs are the ONLY "true" beliefs.
ReplyDeleteI'd do very well in such a small environment. Claustrophobia has never been an issue for me. In fact, I feel more secure in tight places than in huge, open spaces. Go figure, LOL. My biggest problem would be what to weed out to be the barest of essentials. There's a few books (a dozen or more) that I doubt I could part with, along with my antique dollhouse and a ton of craft supplies, lol. Then again, if I made a sofa bench under that front window, I could store a whole bunch of craft stuff there. And ... my precious dollhouse would look fantastic on that storage loft over the front section. Hehe ...
Flushing toilets off grid isn't that difficult. Of course, it's not your traditional "indoor plumbing". It's either a composting toilet - basically a bucket with a special composting material that you layer over the top of your waste. There's a whole movement (excuse the pun) for humanure as they call the resulting product. I'm not sure if I could handle the thought of humanure to fertilize a small veggie garden I'd love to have. Then there's an incinerating toilet, which they say you need to be "educated' to use. I'm still researching these expensive ($2,000) fixtures. Basically, from what I understand, you have to line the waterless bowl with a special paper filter, do your business, then instead of flushing it down the drain, it is "flushed" into an incinerator (think airline toilet here). I still have a lot of questions about this type of commode, like how it's powered, if it's electric, or propane (or both). As long as we're talking about the bathroom, LOL, hot water would be provided by a five gallon propane water heater. And the shower (and kitchen sink) can either drain directly into the ground under the tiny house, or into a "gray water" storage tank to be used to water plants and such. This would require using 100% environmentally safe soaps, though. Electricity would be provided by solar panels, with battery storage.
It's funny, my interest in architecture, especially green architecture, has been reignited!!