I had fully intended to blog more about the New Wrecking Crew today. I even thought about what I'd blog whilst working.
But all that would change.
After work I went to the hospital to visit Aunt Silly, Uncle Pain and Daddy.
First stop was Uncle Pain's room. He was doing okay, not exceptional, just okay. Just down the hall from Uncle Pain was Aunt Silly's room, so she was the next one I'd visit. She's doing considerably better and will be released to a nursing home until she's feeling well enough to go home.
On the same floor but in a different wing of the hospital, I get to Daddy's room after visiting my aunt and uncle. Sitting out in the hallway is Mom, crying.
"Daddy's dying" is all she says to me.
Come to find out later, the doctor has left about a half an hour earlier, and said she doesn't expect Daddy to last until Easter.
There's a nurse in his room, attending Daddy. I can hear sounds that I'd rather not relive here. It was the most heart breaking thing I've ever heard.
Finally we are told we can go into the room. Daddy knew we were there, but through his pain and labored breathing can barely speak.
I sat on the sofa in the private room, out of Daddy's sight, and did my damnedest to not cry.
Must be Daddy's brave Pumpkin.
For the next hour I choked back the tears whilst Mom and I talked to Daddy. He responded with inaudible words and groans of pain.
Not being able to hold it in much longer, I excused myself saying I needed to get something for dinner. Mom said she'd come with me, she needed to eat, too.
Bending over to kiss Daddy good night, and tell him I love him I see a tear forming in his eye. I can even understand him saying "I love you, Cisa".
I broke down as soon as we passed Uncle Pain's room, where Cousin met us outside in the hallway asking how Daddy was doing. She hadn't yet been to visit him and had no idea of the latest developments.
*****
Mom and I went to a restaurant in town. Good place. I think. I couldn't taste anything ... barely ate my dinner.
The dinner conversation was almost non-existent, other than comments Mom would make about "you realize that your brother's memorial service was on Good Friday", "I've never watched someone die before" or "We'll have the funeral here in town. No sense inconveniencing the family, since most of them live close by".
*****
I'm sure I'll get back to bitching about the New Wrecking Crew soon, but today they're the last thing on my mind.
Oh Lisa.....I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive your mother.....everyone has a different way of dealing with pain and they've been together a very, very long time.....but to add that dinner to what you are bearing already....you truly are an amazing woman. I have watched someone die and as odd as it sounds, it was an experience I'm grateful for...because I was able to see the peace that comes with letting go. And as for being brave - you' re already doing that by facing the situation - don't worry about tears - they show you care.
ReplyDeleteEm, thanks. I learned a long time ago that Mom often puts her mouth in gear without engaging her brain. But that's fine. That's just Mom. I've learned a lot from her, and need to be more like her in speaking my mind at times.
ReplyDeleteWhile watching Daddy last night, I kept a silent prayer that he can slip away quickly. His body is weak, he's very fragile.The pain he's going through, he deserves to suffer no more.
I don't know about bravery, Em. All I know is that he's my Daddy. He's been there for me since the day I was born. Through the good and the bad. I just pray that someone is there with him when he passes, that he doesn't go alone.
I'll be heading up to the hospital in a few hours. I've been crying all morning ... I need to get it together as much as possible anyway. I'll continue to be Daddy's brave Pumpkin as long as possible. I guess it's my way to let him know it's alright to let go, that we'll be okay.
Oh, so sorry Lisa! (((Hugs)))
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