I think the heat, humidity and stresses from the last few days has caught up with us all ... and it's showing.
Married Son and I just got into a shouting match, big time. Damn fool thinks he's the head of household, barking orders and making judgement calls he's got no right making ... add that DIL is back to the "not me" shit ...
I'm so ready to move into a one bedroom apartment in an adults only complex. I never thought I'd be saying I wish I were 55 already and could move into a place that there's no way THEY could come to stay for more than a few hour short visit.
I'm so pissed I actually am in tears.
How dare he tell me he does everything around here, and I do nothing. Excuse me? Even if it were true, he has no place saying anything. This is not his home, it's mine.
Call me a lazy ass that does nothing. Hello? Everything I try to get done around here, his wrecking crew of three undoes shit faster than I can clean it. Two steps forward, fifteen back.
I told him to STFU and if he doesn't like it he knows where the door is. I didn't order that they move out. I know better, I know about the eviction process ... I told him if he doesn't like it he can leave ... yet he jumps across the table at me out of anger. Didn't touch me ... or attempt to, but I'll be damned if he's going to play that intimidation game his father played so fucking well. He best take all his shit with him this time, I'm NOT playing storage unit any freaking more.
And that's what he reminded me of ... his abusive father. Barking at me, and when I didn't bow down and say "Yes God" he totally blew up.
Poor Single Son came up from his room just a minute ago, asking me what I was doing about dinner ...I busted out crying, telling him I don't know. He hadn't heard the fight, so had no idea what the tears are about. We got to talking, or should I say I was bitching about it (yelling and bitching - venting to Single Son) and out of the corner of my eye, I see DIL in the next room, listening. GOOD! Let her hear what I'm saying!!
I told him basically what I've already typed above, PLUS ... when I (finally) do find a job, and I'm paying the bills once again, The Wrecking Crew is g.o.n.e. I'm tired of the disrespect, the control issues, the messes, and the noise. Done. Finished. The End.
I told Single Son that once the house belongs to the two of us again, to shoot me on sight if I ever agree to anyone else staying so much as overnight.
Aren't ya'll glad we have this time with the Wrecking Crew to blog? Better enjoy it now. I can't see the Occupation lasting much after the first of the year. Provided I'm not in jail for some domestic charges or the other.
You have every right to be upset...to be set upon when *you* are doing them a favor in the first place...ummm, well, disrespectful is the most polite term I can come up with. It almost sounds like he was saying to you the things he wants to say to his wife, since you've mentioned he has expressed all the same thoughts about her to you.... Maybe he's taking out his frustrations on you, figuring in the long run it's easier to fight with you than her. But even if that is the case...he's way out of line!!!
ReplyDeleteYou go girl....(I know, i've said that a lot lately - but you really do rock though I know it's taking a toll on you.). If you didn't tell Married son that he was acting like his father - you should do that when you get a chance...because I think that would stop him faster than anything else you could possibly say.
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally agree with what the psych nurse above me had to say on the subject. She's damn smart for not having kids herself :).
I never thought of that ... him telling me out loud what he really wanted to say to her ... could be, but it still doesn't make the words that spewed forth from his pie-hole right.
ReplyDeleteEspecially when he so resembled his father by his behavior. And to jump up and practically lunge at me? Talk about a freaking flash-back.
He lived through the abuse with his father, too ...he hated it as much as I did. I really think part of the reason I'm so close to the boys is that we did survive that whole period of our lives because we had each other. Hell, the whole reason I finally left the boys father was he lashed out on the children ... I justified I was an adult and could take it ... but when he turned on the kids I was finally moved into leaving.
But then, he knows what happens when he uses force. He spent ten days in jail in 2000 for not controling his temper.
And ... Em ... I've got a lot of damn smart friends ... and ... I'm so glad I have a psych nurse on my team!
We learn our ways of reacting to things from what we saw around us as a child. Even if we hated a particular behavior by someone else we sometimes find it sneaking out of us in times of stress, because it's what our inner child saw.
ReplyDeleteSo just make sure he knows exactly how you feel about how he acted as well as what he said. In my family it was alcohol. I am lucky enough to be able to drink in moderation...but I remember once having my son come home unexpectedly (he was a teenager then) and finding me a bit tipsy. Not a big deal to me, but my son was very afraid that I was going to become an alcoholic like others in the family.
From that point on I was much more conscious of my behavior.
The point here is that if Married Son is thinking perhaps you overreacted to the argument, then he needs to understand how wrong he was to try to intimidate you physically.
I've always made it clear that physically acting out in anger solves nothing, and they've all seen me actually cower when things move too fast by me.
ReplyDeleteThat's something he needs to understand, alright. It's been another stressful day today and twice I've had to tell him to check his temper at the door. I don't care that he gets mad ... we're all entitled to anger at times, but how he handles it ... that's what scares me.