Married Son and I ... It started when I did the dishes DIL had left in the sink (from last night) ... and afterwards I went to their room and told her "Say thank you mom" for doing the dishes you left in the sink since last night. DIL tries to tell me they were not her dishes ... so I inventoried the dishes I had washed (not a one of the mine or Single Son's) ... then Married Son starts with the "too damned bad you have to do something around here, like a few stinkin' dishes since I pay ALL the bills around here" (um, no he doesn't ... he pays $200 worth and WTH does that have to do with not cleaning up after yourselves). I ask him where else he could possibly live for that amount of money ... and that this was an OLD argument that I was tired of arguing. See, when he fights he's the type to bring the same ol' crap back up time and time again, even if it's a DEAD argument and not even related to the current topic.
Instead of arguing old arguments I left their room ... And then all hell broke loose!
Married Son comes barging into my room ... telling me that I'm lazy, worthless, expect to be supported for the rest of my life, can't find a job because I'm not looking, that two exes abandoned me because I'm fat and lazy. Could I get a word in edge-wise? Of course not! Yes, he tried to belittle me in the same way his father did, only this time it won't work ... but then again, back in those days I did not have had the courage to fight back. Sadly, the apple seems to have not fallen far from that tree.
I had to yell to be heard ... I told him that he was out of line, and I wanted him out of my room until he could calm down (the veins in his neck were throbbing). After telling me to shut up a few times (boy, did I flashback to the years of being abused by his father) ... I pointed at him and told him to GET OUT! He hit my hand - not hard, more like took a swing at me out of anger and lightly connected with my hand. No matter, it was a movement made out of anger ... something I do not tolerate!
That did it! I reached in my purse, grabbed my pepper spray, and turned back to him ... asking if he remembered the last time he showed me the temper to that extent ... he landed his ass in jail for ten days (and over Christmas no less). It was then DIL pipes in that IF I pepper spray him I will have to answer to her. Excuse me? Who the F is she to threaten me? And for the Queen of "Not My Job" to think she's entitled to so much as an opinion around here ... laughable.
What's sad, is that I do admit I've become lazy, in a way. Because I gave up - I couldn't keep up with their messes, and honestly I don't believe I should have to be the one who cleans up after them. The sofa is covered with their shit, my easy chair holds boxes of shit from DILs car ... the list goes on ...
But I AM the one who is lazy ... because their shit has taken over MY house. And I just stopped caring.
Married Son slammed my bedroom door so hard that it popped the door trim! He then stormed out of the house. Don't know where went, don't care. DIL is in their room, stewing, frantically texting back and forth with someone.
Single Son was in the shower the whole time. I knocked on the bathroom door, telling him I couldn't wait, I had to pee. "What's all the banging around, Mom" he asks. I told him Married Son and I were fighting "oh, that's nothing new". No shit Sherlock! I told Single Son the gist of the fight and that he swung at me, that he did connect because the contact area now hurts. Single Son went into cop mode (from behind the denim shower curtain no less, LOL) ... asking the same questions I'm sure he would ask of a domestic abuse complainant.
He's since taken off, too. I'm figuring to calm Married Son down ... Single Son is good at calming someone down without taking sides ... that's what makes him a damned good cop!
I've also come to the conclusion that they can go live with that *wonderful father* of his. The one who subjected the boys to years of abuse ... the one who tells his sons he left me (he didn't, but let him lie to his kids, I don't care). Let's see if he'll open his heart and home to the Wrecking Crew the way I did ...
But it's over. I'm done with the whole Wrecking Crew. I promise myself (and you) that once they're gone they will NEVER be allowed back for so much as one night sleep-over. Thus, the reason for this blog entry ... not so much to relay the events of this evening as to remind myself in the future (see tags: venting).
My Mom wants me to wait a few months before I do anything ... she's hoping I finally find work, and that the transportation situation with Single Son is resolved so that I can have my car back and be able work outside the home.
Can I wait possibly an extra month or two? Gawd, I hope so!
*****
I so need my weekend away next weekend. Ya'll can laugh because it's a Trekkie weekend. It's adult contact ... with mature adults (okay, so what we'll be running around town in our Star Trek costumes) ... and getting the hell away from the house, the Wrecking Crew and the stress.
I'm taking bets ... do I come home late Monday evening to a sink full of their dishes?
"Scotty, beam me up ... "
OMG ... I just read my last entry into the vent tag ...
ReplyDeletehttp://lcm1219.multiply.com/journal/item/471/Excuse_me_while_I_vent_..._
It was the EXACT same argument! Pretty much with the same outcome, too ... and here I thought that deja vu feeling was a flashback to the abuse the boys father doled out ... hmmmmmm ...
Oh, wow, haven't even read allow this yet and in already appalled....
ReplyDelete*all of* I think I will go read the rest of it now.....
ReplyDeleteThey. Need. Out. Now. Sorry, but they've had time, and if they hate it that much they can leave. It is abuse, pure and simple. Emotional, financial, and physical. Really.
ReplyDeleteBtw: (((HUG)))
ReplyDeleteAmy, thanks, I needed that ... and, you're right ... they need to go. The sooner the better.
ReplyDeleteHugs from me too! I hate arguments, it must be the season for it, my boys nearly came to blows and then both left home - they came back!! But the atmosphere is not good.
ReplyDeleteHope it all gets resolved for you soon, you deserve to have your house the way you want it.
Enjoy your stress free Trekkie weekend and let them sort out the mess they're creating. xx
If you order out chinese there will be no dishes: http://www.fortunecookiechronicles.com/blog/2011/04/07/star-trek-meets-chinese-food-make-it-tso/
ReplyDelete((((((HUGS))))))) too bad you dumped your old blog - you'd have deja deja deja vu. You're a good hearted caring mom who has a couple of kids that take advantage. Sounds like he was tossing everything he feels about his wife at the wrong person. And if your mom is so determined that you wait - let HER take the Wrecking Crew in - it's easy enough to give advice from a safe, untrashed distance.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow - you do what you need to do to take care of yourself and single son.......and let the wrecking crew take care of themselves for a change. Maybe they can go stay with Alien.
Helen Jo ... I'm so not a fighter .. never was. Amazingly I haven't lost my voice from that shouting match. I'm definitely going to enjoy my Trekkie weekend! Single Son and I have been reserving our room, googling directions, and all sorts of final planning. Looks like six from our chapter will be going. Can't wait! These are good people, and I know the conversation will be far far far from stressful. But ... I'm not holding my breath that the Wrecking Crew will do anything while we're gone, clean up after themselves ... much less resolve their issues. Ah well, I'm not going to let that thought stay in my head ... I'm going to enjoy some Trekking and a tour of the local lighthouse ... the crap back home is not going to screw up my "away mission".
ReplyDeleteLOL, Amy ... thanks for the link.
ReplyDeleteThey love eating out ... and often bring carry out home ... occasionally get the used wrappers, packages and condiment packets IN the garbage can (most seem to end behind the can, and who do you think picks it up? Like I really need to ask that!!! And, do you know what it takes to scrape off day old ketchup, bbq or soy sauce off of pergo floors?)
Amy, oh doih ... I had to save that ... too funny. Our monthly chapter meetings are held at a chinese restaurant!! Thanks for the laugh! I needed it!
ReplyDeleteEm, I really really really wish I had saved the ol' 360 blogs before Yahoo! dumped them.
ReplyDeleteYou know, that is quite possible. Everything he accused me of he's complained privately to me about DIL. Each of the major blowups we've had ... three or four, five? ... are pretty much re-runs each and every time. It's funny, I just realized a few things ... each big blowup seems to happen after he's so fed up with those qualities he accused me of, that he's ready to divorce her. However, if that is what is happening - that he's psychologically substituting me for her - it still does not justify the physical abuse that I witnessed (no matter how "minor")
I was at my folks today, planting flowers for Mom. Had a chance to talk. I can understand her point of view and now she understands mine, too. She realizes they need to go, she was appalled by the fact he raised his fist to me ... but she's standing by her "no hurry" decision. Probably because when they moved out the last time it was under less than desirable terms and in the moving process managed to do much damage to the walls in their bedroom and to the front door.
Moving in with the Alien! That'd be perfect. Bubba didn't take care of the house before he abandoned it and Alien .... so it's pre-trashed ... perfect for the Wrecking Crew! However, that wouldn't happen ... Alien and Married Son haven't gotten along at all since the day he went to jail some nine years ago (she was the brunt of his anger that day, although it trickled down to me and Single Son, too) ... they've not been close since.
I keep telling myself that this too shall pass.
Never say never......sometimes necessity makes strange things happen. If I remember right, she's close to having to leave the place because it's in such poor condition - and if you toss the Wrecking Crew out - unless they have deposit money available - they don't have a whole lot of options.
ReplyDeleteActually, I was referring to the original 360 blog where I first met you. You decided to kill it and start over with a clean slate......no negativity from the past. But those of us who don't remember our past tend to repeat it - not that I"m saying you don't remember - I'm just saying you're definitely in the same place with the wrecking crew that you were years ago.
Respect your mom - but you need to decide what's best for you. I know she's your landlord which helps keep you afloat financially - but I also know that they depend on you for a lot of help....so it all evens out.
And it will pass........
Oh, wow ... that's right! I did delete it to start over, didn't I? Stupid move on my part (without saving it for future reference, LOL). Ya, it seems to be a vicious cycle, doesn't it? My own personal Ground Hog Day!
ReplyDeleteNope, it won't happen that they'd move to Alien's house ... can't happen. Long story short, my ex father in law, Papa, has lost his mind (confirmed diagnosis of early alzheimers). He goes in to where DIL works, and starts (loudly) accusing Married Son of sexually assaulting the Alien. Where he even got that idea is beyond anyone, but he's adamant that it happened (his other grandson did sexually assault a child, not Alien, that grandchild was murdered. I'm wondering if he's not confusing that child with Married Son, who was only a week and a half older). Now, add that he legally owns the house Alien lives in (and Bubba abandoned) ... you see where I'm going with this? Ain't gonna happen.
Damned soap opera, I tell ya!
The Wrecking Crews choices are to either move back in with her parents, or with his father. Doesn't matter to me ... so long as they're gone!