... and into the fire?
Gawd, I hope not ... but once again I'm staying out of it.
Fasten your seatbelts, here we go ...
Got a call from Alien just a bit ago. Didn't blog it at first because I'm trying to figure out exactly what the whole conversation was. She was upset but tried to tell me everything that was happening while barely coming up for a breath!
Loser is out of her life. Yay!! As I'm typing this, he's sitting in the jail just up the street from my house. Nice. He's a neighbor, LOL.
The non-LOL part is that he beat the crap out of my Alien last night.
His best friend was over, now former best friend, as he came to Alien's rescue and defended her, freeing her to call the police.
Loser's a repeat offender, so he'll be there for a while. A month at least. Serves him right.
I'm not sure where this part comes in ... before the fight, if it was the fight, or afterwards sometime, but he claims he's signing off all rights to his son, Butterball. Oh, please, let that be the truth. Let him sign off all rights and any future contact with Alien, Butterball and the little one she's pregnant with.
However, the "into the fire" part ... Alien tells me how wonderful this former best friend of the Loser is, and that he's stepping up to take care of her and the baby (and the one on the way). Both of my sons have met this guy and say he's definitely a step up from the Loser.
I've come to realize that she really is co-dependant ... on about anyone who will allow her to be dependant on them. Sad ... but I can't be worrying about it.
She made her bed, and she has to lay in it now.
It took my mother 78 years to learn to say "I can't solve the worlds problems, nor can I solve yours" and step away. I saw the stress it put her through to worry about things she couldn't control. I sure can't be worrying about things I have no control over. Like an adult Alien.
I just pray this guy really is good for her, and Butterball and my future grandchild.
Funny I should say I can't solve the problems of my kids ... we know what I do for my sons already. Sad that I could have been more of a positive part of Aliens life had she not rebelled and fought everything I tried to do for her ... or what crap Bubba made her believe - that I was mean (read strict) and wouldn't grant her every wish (right, Princess wishes take money - something that even if I had in abundance, I wouldn't grant her - she needs to learn financial responsibility among other responsibilities).
Ah well, that's all water under the bridge.
Hopefully this is one positive baby-step in her life.
I don't know quite what to say except I am very glad your daughter wasn't badly hurt. s Personally, I don't find it reassuring that the new man is the ex-best friend of the old one - but on the other hand, the idea of having to take in the "alien collection" can only be described as ARGHHHHH. You did all you could - and as you know, we each have to find our own path in this world.
ReplyDeleteAnd she's still communicating with you, that's a good thing.
But I wouldn't get my hopes up too much....its very hard to break free from an abusive relationship......and what's said in anger often changes once a bit of time has passed. I hope this episode has frightened her enough to make the break before she gets more hurt.
Oh, and if she asks - maybe it's an opportunity for her to go to a women and children shelter. In the long term that might be better for her than just moving on to Man B.,,,and if he really is willing to take on that package long term, then he should also be willing to wait a bit. A shelter will take care of her while hopefully giving her some positive peer role models and helping her develop those grown-up skills she's lacking.
Em, I'm glad she wasn't hurt either ... or the mini-alien she's carrying. Don't know where Butterball was during it all, we can only hope he was in his crib. It's funny, I voiced the same opinion about this new one, that he can't be all that if he was hanging with the Loser. That's when Married Son said he's okay ... better than Loser, at least there's no felony record that they're aware of. Wow, step up, eh? At least he did the manly thing by stepping between Alien and Loser. In this day and age, there's a lot of apathy when it comes to getting involved.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, the abused often goes through that cycle of being beaten, anger, fear, and then forgives their abuser ... often blaming themselves for the abuse (had I cooked better ... cleaned more ... paid attention more ... whatever). I really do understand what goes through the brains of the abused ... having been abused physically by Exie Poo and psychologically by Bubba. It took almost ten years to build up the courage to leave Exie Poo. Nearly as long with Bubba, and you'd think after that first time I'd have learned my lesson sooner.
I've always been honest about my experiences with my children, but Alien especially. However, she does run the risk of going back to him, the stats don't lie. And knowing her, she's taken him back before after similar (but not as severe) abuses. I pray the fear and anger don't leave her for a while ... that she can feed off them in her commitment to free herself of him once and for all.
I've talked to her about shelters, too. As have my sons. She refuses to leave her house. It was given to her by Bubba's father on her 18th birthday. She's very bullheaded.
Whew ... computer farted, thought I lost that lengthy comment response. Thankfully it posted.
ReplyDeleteAs I was saying before I was so rudely interupted by cyber-gremlins ...
The house was an 18th birthday present to her by Bubba's father. She refuses to leave it. I just hope that Loser doesn't do anything else stupid, like trying to "reclaim his property" (her and the babies), he's not the best at controlling his anger or at doing right from wrong (as his lengthy criminal record shows). Maybe jumping from one relationship to the other isn't the smartest thing right now ... or the safest ... but maybe having this Knight in Rusty Armor around will be a deterent for the Loser. And ... having formerly been best friends the Knight knows what he's up against if there's trouble.
Which, of course, we'll all pray won't happen.
Well then at least she has a place that's hers to call home - so she really doesn't need that part of shelter services. Its the one thing in the world that she sees as all hers, so I can certainly see why she'd cling to it.
ReplyDeletePerhaps if the house is big enough she could take in a roommate or two to help with expenses - or maybe even find another young mother.
Hey - what about Married son and his crew co-housing with Alien and Butterball?
Alien just left here after about a three hour visit ... something that didn't happen with the Loser. Anyway ... I met this Knight, he seems okay. He's talkative, that's for sure. He held Butterball most of the time, he's got a gentle way with babies. Butterball does seem more relaxed, Loser used to yell at him for crying. He's been two days without being yelled at and it already shows. However, I'm still guarded about that entire situation.
ReplyDeleteAlien has to wait until the courthouse is opened tomorrow to get a personal protection order against Loser. But she assures me she is following through with it.
She's also having the locks changed on the doors at her place, and has alerted certain trustworthy neighbors about the situation and asked that they call the police should they ever see Loser around. She knows that no PPO works if you keep it secret.
I'd love it if her house were big enough for Married Son and his crew to move in. It's barely a thousand square feet and only two bedrooms. She does have a "tennant", the Knight (he moved in a month ago to help them with expenses and to help with cleaning). The nice thing, too, about the Knight, is I hear he's a real stickler on dust and dirt ... he's spent the last month cleaning and organizing the house. Something she needs help with, a lot of help, is the cleaning. This works out well for her.
And I love the fact that she'll be over to visit more. I even told her that since Loser was out of her life, I will help babysit from time to time - so long as it's not full time! I did admit to her part of the reason I refused to before was I wasn't going to enable the Loser by offering my "services" for free.
Now let's hope that she can get her shit together, get back in school, and be the mother i know she's capable of being.
I'm so glad she came by :).....
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I am a few days late! I was sick and not on the computer much. I am so glad she and Butterball are ok! I didn't even know she was pregnant again but I am glad mini-alien is ok too. Nothing much more can be said that hasn't been said already but I wanted to at least acknowledge that I was here. I too have been in abusive relationships and have gone through the cycle. Let's hope she stays away this time. No matter how old they get, you never stop worrying about them! Keep an eye on the "ex-friend". I'm a born cynic but, something seems off there ...
ReplyDeleteIce, I'm not a born cynic, but at the same time, you know I'm watching this one just as closely. Sure, he doesn't have the long felony record (including many incidents of domestic abuse), but for someone to man up as quick as he did, has to make you wonder if he doesn't have ulterior motives. I mean, an 18 year old girl owns and lives alone in her own house ... no adult supervision, so to speak, makes for an easy ride for someone who probably can't rent his own place - or hasn't anywhere else to go. I do know he doesn't work - but then, unemployment is still very high in the area (I still can't find a job either) ... so that might be overlooked just a bit. He has worked for Married Son, he's a hard worker ... so we don't need to worry about lazy. In fact, to skip ahead a few blog entries, he was here yesterday to work his tail off with Married Son to remove the tree that had fallen. He's gentle with Butterball ... and very patient when dealing with an eight month old baby. He does have some flaws - more social than anything else - like the ability to listen when someone else is talking.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, almost too good to be true for the most part. Sure, maybe he is ... but maybe he isn't.
Thanks for letting me sort this out ... I think this long comment was just as much for me as you. I've thought about these things, but to actually get them "down on paper" ...