Today's Lesson ... R E S P E C T

Respect ...

... of one's property, ones possessions, ones rules.

And boy, what a long morning it was!! Started with Grandson about bouncing off the walls (literally). I was in the shower and could hear the noise. Having to get out of the shower, since the two parental units seemed oblivious to the crashing and banging, I put a quick stop to it.

"This is Gramma's house, Grandson. You can't do that here. When your parents find a house just for you guys THEN and only then can you do it. But not here". He tries to tell me that his Nani lets him. Hmmmm, then go to Nani's house and trash her walls!

And yes, I said it loud enough for the parents to hear ... hell, I'm sure the neighbors heard me!

I get back into the shower. At this point it's not to wash up, it's to relax my now tense muscles with hot water.

Coming out of the bathroom, I discover as I'm closing the bathroom door behind me that someone has put three shirt stickers (you know, fairly narrow but real long) on the door knob, totally covering it. "Who did this" was all I had to say. "I did, Gramma". "Clean it up". He comes down the stairs a few minutes later. Asking where he put the sticker (I know better than to not follow up with a pre-schooler) I get "I put it on Mommy's door". "THROW IT AWAY, and clean up these toys while you're at it".

I won't get into the pop-tart crumbs all over the table, floor and chair. However, I did hand a certain grandson the broom and told him to not hit anything as he was sweeping up. Or the little boy who refuses to lift the toilet seat no matter how many reminders he gets from Gramma (Popa doesn't make me lift the seat, Gramma).

Now I'm a mean grandmother. Add that to my recent title of psycho MIL from Hell, and I'm happy!

Success!!

I mean ... I do believe things may finally be sinking in!! Well, maybe sinking in. Hopefully sinking in. I can dream, can't I?

All I ask is that you respect the rules of the house ... my possessions ... and my property.

Is that asking too much?

DIL asked why I was so grumpy. I told her. "You move in thinking that the rules have been changed. They haven't. We had problems last time because you didn't respect the rules. Rules that are very different than your parents rules. Unlike your mother, I won't be your housekeeper, babysitter, gopher or peon. You're to be an active member of this family, even if it means you have do clean up someone else's messes, mostly your husband and son's messes or ... god forbid, do something that you may feel is not your job. And do so without recognition or bitching about it. Grow up ... you are a wife, mother, daughter and daughter in law. You need to start thinking about others."

It's nice to finally be able to speak my mind!! Not an easy thing to learn, but it sure beats being walked all over and sitting quietly as I stress.

Needless to say she left the house for a while. Said she was dropping Grandson off at her mother's so she could come back and get ready for work tonight.

Victory. I'm not even asked anymore if I can watch him for an hour or so.

After about an hour's absence, she's been back here about ten minutes. Slamming of a cupboard door aside (which I hate), she's been rather pleasant. I'm pretty sure she bitched about me to her folks. Her dad's not too bad when it comes to "deal with it, 'cause you ain't moving back here'. Gotta love someone that tells her to "deal with it" since she's stuck with it!

Now if she'd only respect me HALF as much as she seems to respect her folks. When they lived there, she had a list of chores she had to do, regardless of whether she personally created a mess/chore/whatever. DILs Dad wouldn't take "it's not my mess" for an answer. Maybe that's what I need to do? Revive the ol' chore chart - the ones my kids grew up with. Treat her like a kid until she learns to grow up ... show some respect ... and stop the "not me, not my" crap.

Ah, there's an idea!! I took parenting classes during my first divorce (mandated by the county courts). Chore charts, discipline, reward systems, rules ... it was all covered. Great ideas ... and best yet ... they WORKED!

Funny thing is, Married Son, DIL and I were talking just the other night about how strict I was with my kids. Eight o'clock bedtimes (nine o'clock in the summer), meals at set times, chores done after breakfast (on Saturdays or daily in the summer) or they couldn't go play with their little friends, the time-out stair ... oh how I loved that time out system! I only spanked a kid once, and that was out of sheer fear because he'd run into traffic!! But, then again ... I didn't need to spank my kids ... they knew that NO meant NO (and to not ask again), they knew the rules ... they respected the rules and more importantly they respected me! Well, the boys did anyway. Alien was a different story altogether (funny how sperm donors can undermine the mother's authority and screw up all that discipline I tried to instill in her - but that's another blog entirely).

Which I think is what this whole thing boils down to, the lack of respect. Do what you want, when you want ... damn anything that gets in the way (including one mother in law).