Laughable ...

... if it weren't so pathetic. I'm so tired of all of this. The drama, the lies, the immaturity. I've seen more mature behavior out of a room full of pre-schoolers.

I'm really glad I've taken the ignore it attitude, or I'm afraid I'd probably snap by now.

I keep telling myself two more weeks, fourteen short days ... I CAN do this!

*****

And of course, when I resigned from STARFLEET yesterday, despite the statement that emails would be deleted, there were two "what happened" emails in my inbox this morning. Yup, I deleted them.

I stated it was personal business that I was leaving. I'm not under any obligation to say more than that. And IF I were to tell the truth about WHY, then I'd be accused of spreading lies and rumors ... and remember, I'm the one being accused of making up all this crap ... so why bother saying anything at all?

I did manage over the years to make a few friends that I will stay in touch with. One of them, D.T., the guy who is now in charge, has actually offered help should things get bad here. He works for a local privately funded charity finding affordable housing and help with bill paying to those in need. I haven't said a word to him what's going on here (and all the threats from Gizmo to not pay what he owes), and I doubt Gizmo said anything (he's a "need to know" type of person, and no one needs to know anything, lol). So ... it's nice to know that if the help is there should I need it.

*****

Been working on planning the "attack" I'll make on the house once they've moved out. Detailed lists are coming along well for each and every room. The biggest problem I'll have is where to start! I'm sort of thinking the kitchen and working my way around the house from there. Heavens knows it's the room that suffered the most ... what was so difficult about putting dishes back where you got them from, instead of just putting them wherever? So ... yup, I've decided that's the room I start in.

I need to get rid of the old garbage cans, too. I think I'll just fill them up with kitchen crap I don't want to keep and leave a note on them for the collectors to take the cans with them!!

I won't need but one can for myself. I barely generate 5 gallons of trash a week (more like three or four really). I sure won't need the four filthy and cracked 30 gallon cans we have now!

*****

Alien just called. She and her husband have started a car club locally. They've already got five members with a total of 13 cars between them!

They're on their way over right now so that I can help them with designing a brochure for the club. Not a problem, I can do that.

Added bonus is that I get to see Butterball and JR!! Yeah!!!! I haven't seen them in about a week, I'm going through Grandson withdrawal.

Effective Immediately ...

So ... it's official, I did it ... I left STARFLEET. Quit. Turned in my resignation.

And I quote ....

Effective IMMEDIATELY ...

I am tendering my resignation from STARFLEET, the USS Sinclair and all related groups, social media, news feeds, and mailing lists.

The USS Sinclair is being turned over to XO D T. Good luck, Sir.

Any and all email asking why will be deleted and not responded to. I am leaving for personal reasons, and feel that the Crew of the USS Sinclair will be better served with a new Captain. 

And I guess it's causing quite a stir now throughout all of STARFLEET. 

Nice to know that *someone* loves me!! And will miss me. 

It won't be Gadget or Gizmo, that's for sure.  

Gizmo and I got into it again today. Just really more drama in this whole ordeal. He said, she said crap. Reminds me of junior high school really. With Gadget inserting unrelated statements here and there.

 I'm done ... finished. 

They can't move soon enough. It was supposed to be next weekend, but Gizmo said that fell through, it'll now be two weeks before they move. Figures, eh? 

I really wish my ex-husband would let them stay there for the two weeks. Riiiight, that won't happen. 

And something is telling me he's going to back down from our talk last night, saying he won't leave me hanging with the bills he still owes. 

 *****

So no more talk about STARFLEET. Oh, I still love Star Trek, but it's not going to keep the place in my life it once did. 

 Expect more talk of lists of things I want to do around the house, probably talk of work once I find work, and ... oh, I don't know ... we'll see. LOL. 

 But done is the Gadget and Gizmo drama. I can't do it. Talking it out hasn't helped a bit, in fact it seems to have ill effects on my health - mentally, physically and emotionally. Let's see if ignoring the whole damned drama for the next two weeks will help? 

Thank goodness I have a lot to do for my part-time work with my other son's company!!   

Late Start Today

Boy, did I sleep in! But I needed it! I haven't slept like that in a long time.

Gizmo came up to my "office" last night. He closed (and locked) the door behind him, and turned up the volume on the radio. It was obvious he didn't want to be interrupted, or overheard for that matter.

This is killing him, the way our relationship has been lately. He respects that I can't stand Gadget, but doesn't understand why. He will not insist we get along. In fact, he asked if I would ignore her for the time they're still here.

I have NO problem with that.

Gizmo also said he's not out to screw me over, that the bills will be paid this week, and will make sure they are 100% current until their move-out date (in other words, next month's bills, too).

We also talked about what they'll be taking with them. Nothing of mine, that's for sure. That includes the entertainment center he thought was his (he's been using it for the last six years).

He is leaving his wireless box here for me. The apartment they're moving to has wireless, so it's not needed. He'll also be rewiring the internet stuff here so that it's connected in my office. It's presently in his basement bedroom.

I told him that he is welcomed to visit me anytime, but to please leave Gadget at home. I explained that I've tried to get along with her, that I've tried to be happy for him to have finally have a good woman in his life ... however, she is not a good woman and that I will not allow her in my home.

I can only tell him the truth about what she has done to me, it's up to him to believe me or not. And obviously he doesn't. I confront her, she denies it, accuses me of lying.

There's too many others who have gone through what I have - both friends and family. The story's the same, the faces are different. Yet, obviously we're all full of it, that we're lying and she's telling the truth. Um, if so many people who never met before have the same stories, wouldn't one begin to think that maybe, just maybe, the "victim" isn't really the victim after all, but the liar?

But I'm not going to worry about that anymore.

My "game" is now to ignore her ... I'll talk to Gizmo behind a locked door, with the radio blasting.

And locking the doors to my private spaces. 

I'm just relieved I won't lose the relationship with my son to this after all.

Seriously?

I went to take my mom's van back to her earlier. Took my time getting there, had a few stops to make first, knowing it'll be a week before I probably have use of the van again. I think I have enough food to eat, let's hope so. Because no one at this house cares if I starve or not.

*****

And suddenly I don't care if he pays the bills he owes or not. If I'm honest with the utility companies I can get an extension if it comes down to it. They're good with working with someone in need (been there, done that a few times). 

And the way it's ending ... I'm thinking maybe this is the "best way" for him to move out ... I will never forget the treatment I've received in the past year (and it gets worse by the week) ... there's NO way on God's Green Earth he'll ever move back in - or even stay ONE night!! I'm changing the locks ... he will not be getting a key.

Is my sanity worth all this crap? No it isn't. 

*****

And ... we just got into it again. I asked if he'd pay the bills before he moved, as he had promised he would. No way ... not since I steal from them. I STEAL? WHAT? What have I stolen ... a pop and their freaking toilet paper according to Gizmo. HOLY SHIT! Seriously?

Shortly after I called Mom. She demanded to speak to him. He's been outside on my cell phone for about half an hour now. I hope she's chewing him up and spitting him out. 

*****

Speaking of Mom ... we went driving around for a while. She asked me to drive, mistake! I ended up crying and had to pull off to the side of the road. She told me the time for tears is over, that I need the anger I feel to motivate me to make the positive changes I need so badly.And of course, I know she's right.

She had a packet of papers, one for me, one for Gizmo and one for Bossman ... what she's invested in each of us so that we'd have a roof over our heads. She wanted them to see exactly what it cost her out of pocket for this house (and car payments for a car for BossMan) ... and that these are the expenses they'll have to meet on their own from now on. And if, for a minute he thinks I'm taking advantage of him for a freaking roll of toilet paper and $300 in bills, he's sadly mistaken. 

*****

So, the phone has been returned to me ... with Mom still on the phone. Her advice to me ... bear it for the next few weeks. 

Good luck with that, Lisa. 

But I'll try. For Gizmo's sake, I'll try. And that's only because he's my son. 

But the fact remains, once they're gone ... they're gone. He may come and visit the Mommy he told his Grandma he loves. But he's to come alone. 

I tried to be happy he found someone to love, I really did. But you can read about that in past blogs. 

For now I need to go and try to get at least another dozen or two online applications done tonight. 

I Suspected This Would Happen

I just bumped into Gizmo ... I reminded him that the heat and electric bills were both due next week. To which he responded "We're moving next week, I won't be able to pay them".

HELLO? They're past due thanks to him ... and if he thinks for a minute he's leaving here without paying what he was responsible for is just ... just ... irresponsible.

I'm literally sick to my stomach over this ... this is hundreds of dollars he was responsible for paying but found excuses to not pay. He was never this irresponsible before Gadget came along. Sure, forgetful, but he'd pay them once I reminded him they were due.

I have never in my life hated anyone before.I feel nothing but hatred for that woman ... and the crap she has fed him (and I'm not too happy with him for blindly believing her crap, he's not that gullible normally).

On the bright side ... IF what he said is true ... this time next week I'll have my home back. I'll have peace of mind ... and the freedom to do what I want to do in my OWN HOME.

No more toilet paper games ... no more clogged sinks from her hair ... no more fighting to get the garbage out ... or stupid control games over the van ...

Just FREEDOM ... and PEACE.

 Empty Nest (well, ALMOST empty, but with BossMan on the road all the time, it's sure gonna feel empty) 

I like hearing that ... I LOVE saying that!!

I just have to figure out HOW I'm going to pay what he was responsible for.

I can't believe I'm being treated this way. Not by my own son.

And if you think for a second I'll take him back once that relationship fails (and it WILL fail miserably) ...

HELL NO!! He can go live with his freaking father ...

He's forever shut the door here.

Two Blog Entries In One Day ...

Wow, Call CNN ... Lisa's blogging again, and real soon after her last blog entry. What gives?

I tell ya what gives ...

I'm sitting here minding my own business, when my phone rings ...

It's one of the companies I submitted and application to, calling back already!!

Just the first phase of the interviewing procedure, but dammit ... it's a start!

It's for a seasonal job, but the lady on the other end of the phone said that normally, a full 50% of the seasonal hires are kept on as year-round employees.

This could be my chance to prove to them what a wonderful cashier I am ... and work my way up to customer service ... something else I do well.

I love working with the customer ... I always have. Help them, solve their problems, take their money for my employers goods and services.

And IF I can deal with the difficulties I am experiencing at home on a daily basis ... you know I can handle just about anything a customer could throw at me.

Keep good thoughts for me ... this is sounding somewhat promising already!!

Back to submitting job apps online ... one can never have too many job apps floating around out there, you know?

Today's Forecast ... SNOW

And I've pretty much blown off today. Can't go out, not in my mom's van. I am responsible for it, and it's safety. Taking it out in a snow storm is irresponsible. So, I wait, hoping the roads will be cleared by tomorrow so I can turn in the few paper apps I have. Mom doesn't want the van back until Thursday ... so that gives me at least two days (hopefully) to hand in bunches more apps. BUT, it seems that almost every last company now has online apps. It's frustrating to go to a place to find out that I need to go online to fill out their company's application.

*****

I finally have a locking door knob on the office door. And I've had to resort to locking doors behind me. Someone started to feel entitled to barge into a room (any room, regardless of who occupies the room) at her pleasure a few weeks ago when all this started.Well, not started, but blew up. It started really just after she moved in back in December 2011.

I had to laugh, at about midnight last night, when she face planted the bathroom door ... after the thud I said out loud "occupied" ... not sure what she mumbled under her breath, and I don't think I want to know. But I have to admit, I did chuckle to myself "that'll teach you to knock".

I'm just wondering if, once they're gone, I can break the locking the doors behind me (and when I'm not in one of my rooms) habit.At least, so far, I haven't locked myself out of any of my rooms.

*****

Well, I think I've taken a long enough break from online applications ... back to the grind ...