Seriously?

I went to take my mom's van back to her earlier. Took my time getting there, had a few stops to make first, knowing it'll be a week before I probably have use of the van again. I think I have enough food to eat, let's hope so. Because no one at this house cares if I starve or not.

*****

And suddenly I don't care if he pays the bills he owes or not. If I'm honest with the utility companies I can get an extension if it comes down to it. They're good with working with someone in need (been there, done that a few times). 

And the way it's ending ... I'm thinking maybe this is the "best way" for him to move out ... I will never forget the treatment I've received in the past year (and it gets worse by the week) ... there's NO way on God's Green Earth he'll ever move back in - or even stay ONE night!! I'm changing the locks ... he will not be getting a key.

Is my sanity worth all this crap? No it isn't. 

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And ... we just got into it again. I asked if he'd pay the bills before he moved, as he had promised he would. No way ... not since I steal from them. I STEAL? WHAT? What have I stolen ... a pop and their freaking toilet paper according to Gizmo. HOLY SHIT! Seriously?

Shortly after I called Mom. She demanded to speak to him. He's been outside on my cell phone for about half an hour now. I hope she's chewing him up and spitting him out. 

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Speaking of Mom ... we went driving around for a while. She asked me to drive, mistake! I ended up crying and had to pull off to the side of the road. She told me the time for tears is over, that I need the anger I feel to motivate me to make the positive changes I need so badly.And of course, I know she's right.

She had a packet of papers, one for me, one for Gizmo and one for Bossman ... what she's invested in each of us so that we'd have a roof over our heads. She wanted them to see exactly what it cost her out of pocket for this house (and car payments for a car for BossMan) ... and that these are the expenses they'll have to meet on their own from now on. And if, for a minute he thinks I'm taking advantage of him for a freaking roll of toilet paper and $300 in bills, he's sadly mistaken. 

*****

So, the phone has been returned to me ... with Mom still on the phone. Her advice to me ... bear it for the next few weeks. 

Good luck with that, Lisa. 

But I'll try. For Gizmo's sake, I'll try. And that's only because he's my son. 

But the fact remains, once they're gone ... they're gone. He may come and visit the Mommy he told his Grandma he loves. But he's to come alone. 

I tried to be happy he found someone to love, I really did. But you can read about that in past blogs. 

For now I need to go and try to get at least another dozen or two online applications done tonight.