I was working on the computer when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I said "come in", fully expecting it to be Single Son. Was I wrong! It was Alien!!
She asked if Married Son was home (see footnote, LOL). He wasn't ... so she asked if that idiot boyfriend of hers could come in the house. I told her absolutely not. That she's welcome, but he will never be able to set foot in this house. She was pissed. Oh well. Not only do I not want him in the house, he cannot come in. He's a felony convict out on parole ... I have weapons in the house. His setting foot in my home is a violation of his parole/probation. He'd be arrested. Damn, maybe I *should* have let him in? Then call the cops. Too late for it to really matter ... but it was a thought!!
So ... she came by to ask me if I wanted to see the first photo of my newest grandchild. Swallowing all the negative feelings I have towards the situation I said "I'd love to".
"Mom, you have the ultrasound picture upside down".
"Oops", flipping it over ... "Wow, it still looks like a blob right now. You sure they didn't take the picture upside down"
"Geesh, Mom. Next time I'll ask them to get the baby to smile first"
"Please do."
We talked for a minute. She was in a hurry to go somewhere, but did want me to see the picture.
I'm sure she probably made up being in a rush, for fear I'd cross examine her about "and how do you think you're going to raise this kid" ... but I'm NOT going to lecture. I'm not going to bitch. I'm not going to do anything. It's too late for lectures or bitching. I don't want her to hate me ... nor do I want to hate her either. And I sure won't form negative feelings toward that innocent child that I just saw an ultrasound photo of.
She did stop and turn around before heading out the door ... "Momma, I love you".
So ... I'm feeling a little better. I've heard her say "I love you". I'm hopeful that we'll be able to work through all this, but I stand in my convictions to not get involved in the finances or housing issues that may arise in the future. Yes, I'll be Gramma ... that's a given ... but I will not be "banker", "landlord", or "assistance giver" in any way shape or form.
(footnote- Long story short ... Married Son was given two years probation a year and a half ago because of salvaging items that were on state property. He can't be around anyone with a criminal record while he's on probation or he's in violation and will end up in jail. He's been the ideal probie and has less than six months to go before he's off probation. Why would he screw it up now because of Alien's idiot fiance?)
Umm....HELLO???? You couldn't scan the picture really quick and share it with us??? We looooove us some ultrasound pics!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad she came by. She needed to make a connection with you and you are being AWESOME by not lecturing her or giving in to her. This visit was a good thing! Just make sure you stress that he cannot come in the house because of the probation thing...making it less personal. She have even less to hold against you!
You should be proud of your self control! And she still loves you! See?
Leann, my computer crashed a few days ago. We had to reformat the hard-drive, and I haven't gotten everything (like my scanner/printer) yet re-installed. Alien will be scanning it and emailing it to me probably tonight. You know I'll be posting it as soon as I get it!! Hey ... Gramma's bragging rights, ya know??
ReplyDeleteYeah, this is a test in self control all right! Every bone in my body wants to rip that jerk bf of hers apart ... but I won't. I'm above that, I'm a better human being than he. Funny thing ... minus the fact he's got a felony conviction (mine wasn't a criminal) ... I put my folks through the same thing back when I got pregnant at the age of 19. I have my mother to thank for showing the self control and awesome-ness I'm now emulating.
I must be pms-ing...that "momma I love you" line made me watery eyed, considering....
ReplyDeleteShould I be pointing out that it's probably not a good idea to leave your house open like that?
ReplyDeleteBut on a serious note - I'm glad she stopped by and showed you that she still needs you in her life. Miracles do happen, and perhaps this waste of oxygen she is with might get his act together and end up being a good babydaddy and companion after all. And if he doesn't, at least she (hopefully) won't feel trapped in a terrible situation, she knows that her family still has her back no matter what mistakes she's made.
The probation is great cover for not letting him in.
ReplyDeleteAm glad she finally came to see you. I dont envy you, but it may work out to be not so terrible situation in the end. Hugs!!
So glad she shared this with you, whatever happens next she's made a big step to communicate. I hope she will keep in touch and you will get to share more precious details about your grandchild (despite it's father). I got to see my grandson yesterday, only the second time since Xmas, his mother didn't speak to me but at least she let us visit!
ReplyDeleteAmy, aw shucks ... didn't mean to make ya all teary eyed ... here, have a tissue!
ReplyDeleteEm, you're right, it's not a good idea to leave the house wide open like that!! I hadn't thought about it until you said something and asked around to see who had left the front door open. Remember, it's only been about three years since the evil ex-girlfriend attacked Single Son right in our living room! Well .. the door was locked. Single Son had let her in. Whew!! I was afraid that I'd have to ground 'em all for not following Mom's Rule #1 ... lock the doors!!
ReplyDeleteI'll blog later about that waste of oxygen she's with. I don't see him growing up and acting responsible anytime soon. And remember, he's 31 ... 14 years older than Alien ... he's not grown up by now, chances are he never will! Daddy or not.
Helen Jane, it is a great excuse to not let him in the house!! Although "NO" would have kept him away, there's always that added bonus of "you come in here, you're going back to jail". Period!
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping it all will work out in the end. I'm sure it will. It just will take time. A lot of time.
Helen Jo, glad your grandchild's mother came for a visit. I'm fairly confident she'll let me be a part of this baby's life. Her coming by with the ultrasound was indication that she's not going to block me out (contrary to what the waste of oxygen is telling her) ... so this is good. Very good.
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