The New, New Alphabet

 
A is for apple,


and  B  is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!

Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

Now...The  *New* Alphabet


A's for arthritis;
B's  the bad back,
C's the chest pains,  perhaps car-d-iac?


D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G  is for gas which I'd rather not mention.


H is high blood pressure - I'd rather it low;
I  is for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!


P  is for prescriptions, I have quite a few. Just give me a pill, and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?  
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.


S   is  for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T  is for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!
U  is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V  is for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.


W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X  is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have -- in my mind.


I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
And I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!